Frustrations !

The biggest frustration at the moment for me would be the misunderstanding that arises out of not being able to comprehend langage de Baby Taz and Lil Miss Feisty. Baby Taz will request and demand certain things which to him are self evident but I for the life of me cannot understand his desire/want/need/request because of the language difficulty. He is at that stage where his pronounciation is far from illuminating, instead it is mired with trappings as I often attempt and try my hardest to no avail. Lil Miss Feisty suffers from the same fate. I have extreme difficulty understanding their requests and expressions. Often they will be frustrated because they cannot get through to me, I then turn to Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N for assistance but they too are at a loss as to what Baby Taz and/or Lil Miss Feisty are trying to say. I feel debilitated and helpless at my lack of understanding and inability to comprehend the sensibilities with which they communicate. The two are rendered utterly confused because they cannot fathom how it is possible for me not to be able to fulfil their simple requests. They become more and more agitated to the point of hopelessness. They then frustrate me to no end when they begin their 'crises' and cries and fits of tantrum. The more agitated, the louder the crying and the more frustrated they become...until I simply yell out 'STOP'. It takes a catalyst or some sort to end the misery. Miserable ending but the best solution I have found is to distract them (when they have tired themselves out with all the sulking, temper and hissy fit throwing) by proposing an activity or my last resort television. The ultimate bribe when nothing else works. Sweets of any kind also help.

It will be easier with time and the older they get the clearer their self-expressions and explications will be so I will not have to second guess myself when it comes to their needs and wants.

In the meantime distraction is the key !!!

Monsieur Catastrophe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One year of tending to and tender loving care for an orchid was dashed by a few seconds of a case of fiddly hands and sticky fingers.

I had cautiously tended to my orchid as if it was my fifth kid and Baby Taz in one of his moments des bêtises snipped all of the buds that were ready for flowering. The blooms were heartlessly tweaked and hence I am left with an orchid that will not bloom or flower this year eventhough I had been patiently waiting to witness the first blooms of spring. It was a dissapointing denouement.

Sometime Baby Taz renders me powerlessly at a loss for words due to the silly mischief he wields.

He profusely apologised but that did not console or soothe my loss. I really wanted to see the blooming orchids. Blooming hell !

Rambunctious one has struck again

I was furious as I was rudely awaken by his moaning as he was laying literally in a swampy bed (puddle) of pee and moaning nonetheless as it must have been bothering him.
How Baby Taz managed to entirely wet his half of the bed including but not limited to soaking the mattress, alèse, sleeping bag and his clothes and yet maintaining his nappy dry is beyond me !!!!!!!
That boy has the utmost talent for infuriating me... He was profusely apologetic as I was close to reaming him out *.



* ream out : (slang) to scold or reprimand severely

Affliction of being the first-born

Petit Suisse has been cursed with the affliction of being the first-born. Both Shrek and I can sympathise fully as I am a first-born from my first-born parents and so is Shrek. What this affliction dictates is that in Vietnamese tradition or more generally in all of society the eldest is supposed to lead by example and is burdened with the weight of grandiose expectations and responsibilities.

Shrek rejects this practice because he knows full well how he suffered as a result of this malediction: being looked up to and having to set an example for his younger siblings because if he failed then they would follow his bad example and collectively blunder and come asunder. But nevertheless Petit Suisse still has to carry a heavy load as he whether non-intentional or not gets yelled at the most and at times blamed for collective wrong-doings that are not entirely his fault. He is chided and disciplined when he disobeys because he whether we want to admit or not is still the beacon of example at the moment. He sets a precedence and in common law precedence is what dictates judgments of cases.

I do feel horrible when I lose my temper, yell or raise my voice with all my children. I am deeply sorry that I feel sometime I unfairly raise my voice and lose my patience more regularly with Petit Suisse. I have to remind myself that he is still only a tender age of 6. I would like to improve in this aspect. I want them and especially Petit Suisse to know that I do not have false and unrealistic or grandiose expectations lined up for him just because he is the oldest. I do not want favouritism to play a role. I would like to be as fair and just as possible with all four and want them to feel loved and supported always. I do want what is best for them and that is something that is unknown to me at this stage. I do not want to impose my will but simply want them to be guided and educated and taken care of to the best of my ability and capacity. I do want them to have fulfilled and meaningful lives and do what they love (although one has to be realistic about material gains and not be too fazed by drab reality)...

In short I do want to better myself and want my children to know that as flawed and imperfect as I am, my will is to give them my all and to communicate openly, honestly and share my wisdom, experiences and most of all I want to instill a sense of humour and optimism/hopefulness. I think humour and laughter can heal and ease the pain of most of life's harsh realities.

To be able to Laugh at yourself is an ability that does not come naturally or is not inherent in us. It comes with practice as Shrek will readily admit. Shrek has come leaps and bounds in this aspect as I will attest to a Shrek the Grinch when I first began living with him to a more personable and humane/humorous Shrek of present.

Time away

I am in desperate need of a holiday and time to myself. I fear I will explode with rage and anger and frustration because I just cannot take any more of the dumbing down of my intellect and endlessly exasperating myself anymore.

Guilty

I feel especially guilty for letting the television and DVD player babysit my children.
I feel like all the different multimedia control our lives to a certain extent. I know if I put more effort into fulfilling creative or educational activities with my kids and let them watch less TV we would all be the better for it. It is hard to say no to such effortless and pure lazy indulgence.

I am tempted to live completely free of television. I would not be missing out on much because in fact the children and the husband reign over what we watch on TV : children during the day and my hubby at night after work. He understandably relaxes as he catches up on his favourite shows after a long laborous day.
After we have spent the day at playgroups or running errands together or playing in a park, the first thing Petit Suisse reaches for when we get home is the remote control. He works it like a pro.
The hubby is really into Doctor House MD currently. Before that it was Lost (the first season), then NCIS, Prison Break. I have very little or no say in what program the TV is switched to. Thus I think it only fit that I declare my household a TV free zone. I am uncertain as to who will be the hardest to convince the toddlers or the big kid.

I started off feeling guilty about the effect television has on those surrounding me but heck to borrow a phrase from Marie Antoinette who said 'Let them eat cake', I will end with 'Let them watch television'.