Little rays of sunshine

I might appear to râle every other day re my kids out of control behaviour or their un-disciplined tendencies but I love each and every one of them and they are my little rays of sunshine.

They do exhibit expressions of affection to remind me that it's worthwhile : the sometime ungratifying and unbearing of housework and child-rearing, devaluation of home staying and merde if I was to work in a daycare looking after other peoples kids and yet send my own kids to another daycare it'd be looked upon as if I was a juggling working mum hence regarded with more value and looked up to more only because I held a job peu importe si le boulot est bien payé ou mentally challenging or gratifying.

I feel devalorised by society at large and can only console myself in the small consolation/comfort : that of knowing my kids are well looked after and taken care of.

Little rays of sunshine because at the end of the day no matter how important a position is or how high ranking ones' career may be one will only leave imprints with ones legacy be it scientific discovery or ground breaking policy or children who reflect their upbringing and education and do their parents proud by perpetuating and upholding devisal and trust.

Lil Miss Feisty

Baby Ben shall be referred lovingly as Miss Feisty from now on. It is a nickname befitting of her attitude and demeanor.

She may look innocent and angelic but do not be fooled by her angelic halo because she is one feisty little lady. She can hold her own and can defend herself against much bigger adversaires or siblings for the most part. As the youngest and the baby of the clan she has to defend herself mostly against Baby Taz's provocative irritances and attacks. She lends herself to being ready to tackle the jungle also known as kindergarden as kids at that age can be unbelievably and uncharacteristicly cruel.

Lil Miss Feisty you have my approval for being so because the alternative is more nerve racking for me as I would worry about you being bullied but do not let anyone push you around.

Hold your own ground !

Hello appetite !

One sure fire way of getting my finicky little Baby Ben to eat is to say in all earnestness

'Do you want Kitty (from Hello Kitty fame) to like you?'

to which her reply is a resounding nod

I continue to plow away

'If you want Kitty to love you you should eat more of this (this being whatever it is I am in the process of spoon feeding her) and then she will be your friend and play with you'

Her appetite is whetted at the mention of Hello Kitty and the irony of it all has not escaped me.

She eats until her hunger has been sated.

Hello Kitty's power is appreciated by me until the day Baby Ben is old enough to nag me to buy her Hello Kitty merchandise to which my reply will be Hello Kitty is a fad and she is everybody's friend not just yours so you need to find a friend who is more unique and special than that insidiously infectious kitty.

Parenting

Parenting est un sujet sensible qui fâche les gens... parenting involves choices and directions that can differ in a spectrum/runs the gamut of permissibility (laisser faire) and strictly disciplined (old school).



In short just as all of us are individuals parenting and our methods of educating/disciplining our kids can vary wildly.

I do not however espouse and advise people unless they solicit it which I think is out of respect for parents be they new or experienced. We all can make our own mistakes and learn from them but we do not have to bear the cross of being subject to scrutiny and constantly dodging unwelcomed advice.


My kids cannot stay still and sit at a dinner table for three hours straight but I am not discouraged or bothered by that.

My kids can be a rambunctious and uncontrollable bunch which usually leads to me being lectured by other busybodies that I am an unfit mum who cannot control her kids etc...
I doth protesteth because they themselves are not model parents with model kids either.

I strongly believe that kids need boundaries and discipline on the one hand but they also yearn and should be able to stay kids for as long as they can, in other words they need to not be thrust upon adulthood, independence and responsibilities as soon as they are born. I allow my kids to play and act like kids and do not feel compelled to force them to be obedient dogs who sit upon command. They are not robots but human beings who need time and space and possibility to develop normally.

There are parents who surely disagree with me, to that I say 'each to their own'. Those in the camp of absolute discipline abhor kids who become a bit wayward and loud but that to me is not so important. To me I want to raise balanced and equilibrated individuals who know the values of the most important principles but are able to be independent contributors to society and yet stay unique individuals.

Parenting is definitely a learning curve and my kids never cease to amaze me either by their naivety, maturity or their simplicity and just their beings.

Priceless

15 minutes getting dressed
10 minutes to arrive at destination
10 minutes of explanation by the daycare workers
10 minutes of peaceful playtime with Bb Ben


10 Swiss Francs spent on a first trial of leaving Bb Ben at the nursery by herself
5 minutes of intense ear-piercing wails from a non co-operative baby
Priceless is the realisation that said baby still needs and wants her mummy and is not in the least ready to be babysat by complete strangers as yet. I am needed and moreoever wanted and clung to and that sends me a warm and fuzzy feeling.

Though I still would like to claim my money back as 10 Francs for a trial period of 5 minutes is extortion !

Baby Ben still exclusively wants her mum to be her chief caretaker and nurturer for now.
Oh joy !

The trouble with weaning

I breastfed all my four children for the longest time, illustration

Petit Suisse was breastfed til his 13th month and I was obliged to wean him only following Doctors orders when I inadvertently fell pregnant with Lil Miss N. Apparently breastfeeding is definitely not a reliable method of contraception. Case in point, I am looking at you Shrek-for a self-proclaimed scientist his insistence that breastfeeding does in fact gives me immunity from being impregnated is way off base. Petit Suisse had a hard time for a week before he finally caved in and gave way but relapsing a little when Lil Miss N was born and I commenced breastfeeding her.

Lil Miss N was breastfed exclusively til the mûr age of 18 months. Up to the age of one and a half she refused to eat solid food and did not want to drink any other form of milk-by way of formula or cow, accepting only my breast milk as her singular source of nourishment which was by no means sufficient for her nutrient intake. She would have kept on going until I was forced to make a decision re her alimentation. I decided overnight that enough was enough and that she needed input other than breast milk. She was putting up a good fight and battled valiantly for almost two weeks before she realised that I meant business and that she was left with no choice but to accept cow's milk as a suitable and nutritious alternative.

Baby Taz was breastfed til the tender age of 10 months when weaning began by force of necessity arising from the discovery that I had fallen pregnant with Bb Ben. This is reminiscent of Petit Suisse's predicament and a question of history repeating itself. Once again breastfeeding as a form of contraception has been shot and without question I will have this advice for my children : do not ever rely on breastfeeding as contraception, it will predictably and invariably fail much to my chagrin.

Bb Ben's turn has come. She recently had a weigh in and measure up at the pediatrician. She is below average in height which is not surprising in the least but in order to ensure her calcium intake which is primordial at her age is not lacking I am in the process of slowly switching her regime. She will be given calcium in its concentrated form, proposed cow's milk at every opportunity and yoghurts which she does eat but cheese is another story. It is hardly a battle won...will be a long and drawn out battle.

She has now surpassed her older sister in terms of perseverance and single-mindedness. She is one determined little lady. She knows what she wants and she will get what she wants with steely determination, an admirable quality all the same.

Brother and sister

Baby Taz is quite fond of his lil sis Bb Ben whom he affectionately refers to as bébé.
Typical scenario of Bb Ben running amuck in the shopping centre or supermarket and me breathlessly threatening her that I will leave her.... hoping that out of fear she will comply and obey and most importantly follow me. Baby Taz does not realise that I am just menacing without real intention of leaving her behind and he stutters 'Mummy, please wait a minute, please wait, don't leave bébé behind, please wait a sec mummy' over and over all the while pushing Bb Ben or dragging her like his ragdoll to ensure she will not be abandoned.

Drawing a conclusion from that scenario I conclude that Baby Taz is very fond of Bb Ben and dread the thought of losing her eventhough he is the one who will often unintentionally and intentionally rough her up by pushing her, dragging her or inadmittenly hitting her. He is such a complex little porcinet. Sibling rivalry for attention and affection is very much alive.

Clingy

Baby Ben is in the phase known as 'Mama be mine' which invariably means she will cling onto my leg as tightly as she can while screaming, crying and shrieking at the same time so as to leave no doubt about her need, want and utmost desire of being held in the arms of mama.

She periodically rejects Shrek much to his chagrin. It is normal as she is at that vulnerable age where she feels threatened by everyone and is fearful of everything. She will surely embrace the brave new world not long from now.

Although you will inevitably grow up before my eyes and I have to accept to let go sometime I do hope that you Baby and your sister will stay Mama's gurls forever.

Mama is the word !

I am chuffed* that Baby Ben's first word was 'Mama'. She repeats this throughout the day and this makes me content. She already is mama's little girl.

She is growing and glowing. She will be one in a little less than two month's time. Time really flies... Baby Ben will be a toddler. She is mobile and active and will voice her feelings. I have a feeling she will be a smart girl and will not be easily stepped on. She needs to have a good pair of lungs in order to compete for attention being the youngest of four kids.


chuffed is Aussie slang for utter happiness (no need to get all didactic)

Stretching the dough the farthest

I have found some sites that are dedicated to helping anyone with economics problem or budgeting probs to save more.

http://www.moneysavingmom.com/money_saving_mom/frugal_fun/index.html

http://www.homemoneyhelp.com/

http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm

http://www.wackyuses.com/uses.html

http://www.tipztime.com/

I do not think I need to get ideas as I have plenty of my own already and I do not live in America but it just proves my point that there are others like me out there, looking to save whereever and to cut corners where we can.

There are boundless sites for frugal mums worldwide which gives ideas for cheap or free kids activities as well as creative and cheap ways to raise kids... Kids ultimately need parents' time, attention and to have meaningful interactions and conversations/communication and guidance not the latest electronic toys that they will be bored of after the novelty has worn off.


Shrek, this lil tidbit was for you.

Interesting concept

I doubt I have the patience to upkeep this but I would like to attempt Project 365 which interests me as I have been wanting to keep a photojournal of my daily existence which invariably involves mainly my kids and sometime other hobbies or projects of mine.

I do intend to at least take some photographic souvenirs in order to maintain some shred of a family lineage or journal so that my kids will be able to look back upon their own childhood and hopefully read some insights into their mum as a woman of substance and not just a no-brainer homemaker/housekeeper/maid/babysitter. I long for relevance...

This should be included in my New Year resolutions.

R-e-a-d

Petit Suisse's reading prowess is progressing at a slow tortoise pace of an hour per page. It is a patience tester but I do see the progress however small or insignificant it might seem to outsiders. He is actually reading words with some prompting. So I persist and hope to see a breakthrough performance. My eyes light up in anticipation of such a milestone whenever that takes place.


On another note of training I think I am abandoning toilet training Baby Taz for now. I will try again this springtime when the weather is warmer and I am less house confined thus inciting me to attempt feats that I just do not have the energy for right now.

Judge and jury

As a mum of four kids with ages of 6 and a half, almost 5, almost 2 and a 6 months old baby I am constantly faced with the dilemma of being judge and jury.

They play harmoniously but then have bouts of disagreement and can tear each other apart and fight like the worst of enemies. Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N bicker over trivial things like any other siblings and add to the mix Baby Taz who does not speak as yet and thus cannot express himself. He can certainly defend himself though as he has a piercing scream that can wake the entire neighbourhood as well as a deadly pinch and scratch.

I constantly have to break up fights, normal and nothing out of the ordinary or the least bit unusual.

When Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N bicker and have little spats over absolutely everything and anything and sometime nothing at all I will have the privilege of settling the score and refereeing. I am in the middle and they usually point the finger and blame the other party of having initiated the whole ordeal or started the fight etc

They will play and then one will feel the urge or need to tease or annoy the other and there will be retribution and I am called upon to judge. How to be fair and not play favouritism when I am not even sure who the culprit is because the question is often met with the ambiguous response of 'She started it.' but 'No, no no, he is the one.'

In short I have the most difficult position of attempting to be just and fair and not to interfere into the realm of kids play.

Time taken

Time to clear and tidy up toys sprawled on the ground, random objects strewn all over the floor and vacuuming plus mopping (intensive labour) : varies but can take up to one and a half hour.

Time for the whole process to be reversed aka Baby Taz wreaking havoc and thereby messing up the entire house : 5 minutes

Time for food preparations and cooking and putting together a meal and table setting : 1 hour (for simple dishes) and 2 hours or more (for complicated or elaborate dishes)

Time to gobble said food down : for a 'faim de loup ou on adore ce que tu as cuisinée maman' 5-10 minutes of wolfing, for a 'on n'a pas faim ou on detest le gôut de ça mais on doit comme même manger ' 45 minutes of slow motion force feeding.

Time for clearing the table and cleaning up pots and pans and loading the dishwasher and wiping the sink, induction (Ceran) stovetop and drying the pots, pans etc : depends on the number of pots and pans to be manually washed but up to an hour.

Time for loading cycles of washing machines, drying said cycles and then folding the clothes and distributing to its rightful owners : 1 hour approximately

Time for clothes to be soiled, stained and changed : can vary depending on wearer, on Benben probably 5 minutes, on Baby Taz 15 minutes or an hour if he plays in the dirt, does a big poo-poo, eats like a pig etc, Lil Miss N and Petit Suisse can also change at the slightest hint of stench or stain but generally half a day, Shrek and I tend to keep our clothes for the longest of time.

In short it takes much longer to construct or get things done than for it to be unravelled and reversed.

Pour ma maman

C'est trop trop chou cette petite chanson que j'aime tant par sa simplicité et sincèrité.

J'adore quand Lil Miss N sings one or two lines of the chorus. It really melts my heart. It is very much what a little being would say if they had the know-how and could express their deep gratitude and heartfelt amour for their maman. It is sung with tenderness and through its simplicity the revelation that from nothing at all one can give all stemming from the heart..The infant or child in question is not capable of giving material and physical things/objects with value but from his or her heart is able to give overflowing love and that is ultimately all this maman needs.

Pour ma maman
par Nicole Snitselaar

Dans ma main,

J'ai bien peu de choses

A te donner Maman :

J'ai un coquillage blanc

Une pomme de pin

Deux châtaignes, trois glands

Et une petite pierre

Pour toi maman

Chorus:

C'est pour toi

Pour toi maman

Ma maman à moi

Que j’aime tant !



Dans ma main

J’ai bien peu de choses

A te donner maman

J’ai une petite coccinelle

Une feuille de marronnier

Des aiguilles de sapin

Et un bout de ficelle

Pour toi maman



Dans mon cœur

J’ai beaucoup de choses

A te donner maman

J’ai des guirlandes brillantes

Des montagnes de fleurs

J’ai des ruisseaux d’'argent

Et des perles d’amour

Pour toi maman



Dans mon cœur

J’ai beaucoup de choses

A te donner maman

J'ai des milliers de baisers

Des mots tendres et gentils

Des bouquets de sourires

Des brassées de bonté

Pour toi maman

Multi-tasking

My many newly acquired talents include holding a babe in one arm, pushing a stroller in the other until both infant and toddler are sound asleep. The pinnacle of my achievements involve cooking in complete darkness (because any hint of light will impede Baby Taz from sleeping) and pushing a stroller with my leg.

I have as a result of motherhood acquired many talents and marvelous multi-tasking. I can probably manage lots of feats unknown to me before but now comes as second nature. I can certainly whip up a mean meal in the dark. I wonder if my prospective employers will find any use for my plethora/arsenal of personal skills.


I can at the very least 'subscribe' to websites such as 'Confessions of motherhood' or 'My life is average' with my everyday lifestories. Ordinary daily routine can be celebrated !!!

After all 98% of the population lead average lifestyles bordering on boring and some of those 98% are struggling to survive ...and only 2% (figures completely guestimates) who own the majority of the world's wealth can afford to live the jetset lifestyle which mind you will get boring too after a certain time. The novelty of anything is what keeps us interested. Hence the jetsetters should swap places with poverty stricken folks every now and then so they can sample life on the other side... It will teach them a thing or two about the values they seem to have discarded.

Curious as to What is in my handbag ??

I have examined and perused the contents of my ultra fashionable bum bag cum shoulder bag and it is unsurprisingly full of junk. The simple reason is that I have four kids and it is imperative for me to keep lots of 'in case objects'. It is rather difficult to wear chic handbags when you've got to be mindful of drool, drippings, vomit and caca pipi...

Inside my all in one bag I have my wallet, ID and the kids, myriad fidelity cards, lip gloss (cos this is very important to maintain one looking fresh), nasal decongestor and bottle of sea water spray, bus pass, library cards, cartes Gigognes (discount family card), carbolevure capsules, small bottle of ointment for malaises, keys, mobile phone, bus timetable, small tube of 50+ suncream, tissues, wet wipes, receipts, vouchers, coupons and bits and pieces and knick knacks...and lists etc...

I am obliged to bring such a fantabulously eclectic cocktail of objects because I might need one or several of the above listed things.

***See 'Murphy's law' entry for more reference

Progress

It has been a number of years since my teaching days but I have recently discovered that I have not lost my touch. It is my greatest pride when I triumph over difficult students to instil in them a thirst for knowledge and inspire them to attain their personal best (whatever this may be, it differs from one person to the next).

I have been struggling for some time yet when it came to Petit Suisse learning to read Alphabet letter by letter, sound by sound and eventually words, phrases, sentences, chapters and a whole book. It is heartening to report the progress I have been privy to. It might not seem like much when he is able to read such gems as 'la, le, pi, po etc etc' but he is on his way to reading by himself. I can feel that and it perks me up to no end. I really am easily stoked but witnessing slow and steady progress is a process I love.

Way to go... reluctant mum but kick ass teacher. (my own perceived titles)

My Mother's day gift

Last year I received the following poem from Petit Suisse

Si j'etais jardinier
Je ferais pousser
Une fleur
En forme de cœur.
Elle serait pour Maman
Qui la garderait longtemps
Car Maman saurait que la fleur
C'est tout l'Amour de mon cœur.

Mirrored this year about a mother's love

Supposons que ma main
soit une fleur,
Voyons un peu si
maman m'aime...
Elle m'aime !
Un peu !
Beaucoup !
Passionément !
Pas du tout !
Pas du tout ?
Méchante fleur, tu mens !
Je suis sûr que maman m'aime
De tout son cœur.

I really enjoy both and find them adorable but I do prefer the 'gardener' poem slightly.




Each Mothers day reminds me of my mum. All the sacrifices that she made for me during my childhood and even as I entered adulthood and left the nest to fly into the unknown that is Geneva. She was not always an easy going mum, lots of heartache, deceit took its toll and she was surely more than frustrated at what life had thrown at her. She did discipline like most Asian mums would with corporal punishment but as with most if not all Asian grown adults reflecting back on their childhood we all reconciled with the need for some form of discipline. The Westerner does not understand this yet I think some parents do much more damage with psychological abuse and the consequences are irreversible. I do not condone outright beating for the heck of it but if a kid needs to be kept in line then disciplining them will not result in scars of the psychological kind. Europeans place too much importance on treating children as responsible adults. They are not !!! They need time to mature before they reach maturity one must guide them and rein them in sometime.

She woke up at ungodly hours like 3 or 4 in the morning to go to work when we first arrived in Sydney. She singlehandedly without any help raised 2 kids, saving all her money trying her best to secure a Catholic school education which cost her more than she could afford and left her with little attributed to other recreational activities or expenses. She did not get any assistance from my dad whatsoever if anything he burdened her even more. When I was readying myself for departure from Sydney she reassured me that whatever makes me happy is enough for her. All she wanted was the belief that I was going to be happy embarking in my new life abroad away from family, friends and all that I held sacred. It was a culture shock living in Geneva and still is. Shrek did not help me integrate and I felt extremely vexed, isolated and lonely save for the very few friends I managed to make. Anyway the situation now has improved...and I do not have to conceal my unhappiness from my mum for fear she will in turn be even sadder.


She taught me the ability to laugh at myself and to have a sense of humour which can help one in times of despair. She also taught me lots of people skills and networking know-how as well as the proper and correct way to treat people. She told me that forgiveness and peace with oneself can set one free although I must admit I struggle with this concept/principle and cannot forgive those who have wronged me so easily. She also takes comfort in her prayers which is her way of coming to terms with the hardships she face. She has incredible courage and constantly tackles obstacles with optimism.
Filial duty and piety is not something easily comprehended. Asians get this much more...
Before veering off too much I just want to add that I do not resent my mum for the disciplinary actions she took. She did have my best interests at heart and at times perhaps expressed it based on her inclinasions and leanings but I am most thankful for having been blessed with such an extraordinary woman as a mum. I do hope that I can set an example for my own children and they will be as proud of me as I am of my mum. I do not need a special day in the year to celebrate the love I have for my mum but I will take the opportunity to give her my heartfelt thanks and gratitude and to offer her the best tribute I can. She is a believer that all things are possible.
She taught me many more lessons all of which I hold close to my heart. I do not follow all her advice because as I carve out a path for myself and discover my place in the world equipped with wisdom and experience passed onto me by my mum I will form my own opinions, conjectures and theories .

Here is to you mum for your unconditional love (although you do have expectations and hopes for me that I did not fulfil), your undeniable and continual sacrifices, your maniacal reminders riddled with superstition but well intentioned.
I love you and hope that my children will be as affected by me as I am by you.

Bouquets à la Maternité