Sagesse

Petit Suisse annoyed because his toys and personal belongings have been tempered with once again by Baby Taz huffs and puffs whilst maintaining and insisting

'J'aimerais que Baby Taz grandisse plus vite, comme ça il sera puni quand il fait les bêtises. Il est embettant !!!!!!!!'

Petit Suisse this saying is for you

'Before one grows old and wise one must be young and stupid.'

I hope it serves to remind you that youth sometime has its drawbacks and other times youth is what humanity holds onto in order to perpetuate immortality which to this day has yet to be attained or achieved!

Maybe one day as nothing is impossible.

Encore et encore

Lil Miss Feisty's fascination with the Barbapapa is astounding. She is especially taken with 'Barbotine' a bookworm. She even identifies with this character and has declared that her sosie is Barbotine so it is no wonder she is very fascinated with books and the world of reading. I am stoked because I myself was a prolific reader. I devoured books in my high school years and early university days before reading became a chore because I did not find 'law books' and constitutional declarations and jurisprudence all that inspiring. It was a bunch of pompous legal jargon and technical lexicon designed to alienate the common person so as to elevate the standing of lawyers.

Anyway I digress, I was expressing my glee at the wondrous enchantment Lil Miss Feisty has engrossed herself in. EVERY chance she gets she will be grabbing a book, her current favourite being the Barbapapa series.

The only hitch lies in the fact that she will request I tell her the stories over and over again. I have racontée 'La Maison de Barbapapa' countless times. After having reached the end, she exclaims enthusiastically 'Encore'. I then recount the story for the umpteen time only to be met with the ever ardent and spirited 'Encore' et 'Encore' et 'Encore' until I am just exhausted because storytelling does become old after the hundredth time especially since I have been rehashing and to a certain extent rehearsing the same thing over and over. I tell her 'dernière fois, d'accord ?'. She nods incessantly as if her agreement that it was indeed the very last time for the day (or now if I am lucky) had been assimilated.

She tricked me because she was just nodding to appease me because as soon as I have finished the book, she will nonchalantly request 'Encore mummy' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I on one hand am very miffed by her bookish behaviour and love for books/reading but on the other I would like to be able to take leave from retelling and rehashing umpteen times the same banal things.

It is just a reflection of her age and a phase she is going through although I hope sincerely that her love for books, language and literature will not fade and give sway the older she becomes. I would not mind if she became seriously bookish as she matures.

Lesson learnt

In order to curb and curtail rows* and risk of public humiliation or embarrassment I have devised the following formula

1. Do not repeat anything more than once because repetition will equate to nagging in Shrek's world.

2. If insistent on nagging persists Shrek will lose his marbles** = loud missives will be fired, colouful 'French words' will be employed and fireworks or explosive row emanate.

3. Public humiliation will ensue followed by silence on my part. The silence will serve as a fire extinguisher which will put out Shrek's venom and slithering tongue.

4. 'Each to his own conscience', or as Shrek puts it 'Chacun examine sa conscience !'

*row

³    [rou] Show IPA

noun

1.

a noisy dispute or quarrel; commotion.

2.

noise or clamor.

verb (used without object)

3.

to quarrel noisily.

verb (used with object)

4.

Chiefly British . to upbraid severely; scold.

** to lose one's marbles : lose one's wits/mind

Frustrations !

The biggest frustration at the moment for me would be the misunderstanding that arises out of not being able to comprehend langage de Baby Taz and Lil Miss Feisty. Baby Taz will request and demand certain things which to him are self evident but I for the life of me cannot understand his desire/want/need/request because of the language difficulty. He is at that stage where his pronounciation is far from illuminating, instead it is mired with trappings as I often attempt and try my hardest to no avail. Lil Miss Feisty suffers from the same fate. I have extreme difficulty understanding their requests and expressions. Often they will be frustrated because they cannot get through to me, I then turn to Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N for assistance but they too are at a loss as to what Baby Taz and/or Lil Miss Feisty are trying to say. I feel debilitated and helpless at my lack of understanding and inability to comprehend the sensibilities with which they communicate. The two are rendered utterly confused because they cannot fathom how it is possible for me not to be able to fulfil their simple requests. They become more and more agitated to the point of hopelessness. They then frustrate me to no end when they begin their 'crises' and cries and fits of tantrum. The more agitated, the louder the crying and the more frustrated they become...until I simply yell out 'STOP'. It takes a catalyst or some sort to end the misery. Miserable ending but the best solution I have found is to distract them (when they have tired themselves out with all the sulking, temper and hissy fit throwing) by proposing an activity or my last resort television. The ultimate bribe when nothing else works. Sweets of any kind also help.

It will be easier with time and the older they get the clearer their self-expressions and explications will be so I will not have to second guess myself when it comes to their needs and wants.

In the meantime distraction is the key !!!

Monsieur Catastrophe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One year of tending to and tender loving care for an orchid was dashed by a few seconds of a case of fiddly hands and sticky fingers.

I had cautiously tended to my orchid as if it was my fifth kid and Baby Taz in one of his moments des bêtises snipped all of the buds that were ready for flowering. The blooms were heartlessly tweaked and hence I am left with an orchid that will not bloom or flower this year eventhough I had been patiently waiting to witness the first blooms of spring. It was a dissapointing denouement.

Sometime Baby Taz renders me powerlessly at a loss for words due to the silly mischief he wields.

He profusely apologised but that did not console or soothe my loss. I really wanted to see the blooming orchids. Blooming hell !

Strange kinda day

It was a highly productive day with Shrek managing to install Gorm étagères

I had successfully rangée everything in the storeroom so that nothing was lying precariously on the floor but instead had a neat place on the newly installed Gorm shelves.

etc

We had achieved so much in so little time and were ready to give ourselves pats on the back with a celebratory glass of booze. As it turned out we should not have begun the celebrating because soon after Baby Taz and Lil Miss Feisty misbehaved... They dropped and spread a poisonous substance (which Shrek can fill in...) onto our sofa leaving us with no choice but to immediately give them showers to rid off the stuff. We then had to change the sofa cover and wash the soiled cover.

The expression on Lil Miss Feisty's face was priceless as she attempted to hide her guilt by use of a cover up : she hid behind a card pretending to read it to ruse us.

The kids all went AWOL and I had not the opportunity to indulge in a long hot bath because they refused steadfastly to be in bed and get some shut eye.

TOTALLY exhausting.

Shrek was unnerved and his patience was tested.

We should have had a nice relaxing evening to wind down but alas that was not to be as we were stressed beyond our normal (flexible) limits and decided to call it a night.

Rant for the day

I caught the tram at a reasonably busy peak time so there were not many seats left but I scored one. I then noticed a middle-aged woman (not quite an elderly) and decided to give her my seat.

I motioned to her :

'Vous voulez vous assoir ? '

Her response was a curt and brusque : 'Wouah' as if what I had done was a matter of course.

She sat down without one single whisper of 'mercy' or even flashing an appreciative smile or any form of/show of appreciation and then had the audacity and nerve to glare at me and gave me dirty looks because Baby Taz had put his feet out impeding the tram sensors when I had expressly told him no.

The self-entitlement of some people leaves me flabbergasted. I gave up my seat for her and I wanted it back. She was an able body and not old enough to be in need of a seat. I regretted soon after my bad decision to waste 'une geste d'urbanité' on an ill-mannered and self-entitled bitch.

Obviously not all Swiss are self-entitled and ill-mannered/rude scums but I somehow run into a lot of them on a frequent basis...must be my magnetic charm that draws the best out of the Swiss

End of rant !

Shrek's misery

We have had a long drawn out and painfully excruciating history with bed wetting by the two boys in our family : i.e. Petit Suisse and now Baby Taz.

I remember waking up almost every morning for days on end with a bed soaked in pipi when Petit Suisse was in the process of being nappy-free at night. Mind you he was quite a late bloomer re his potty training: he only managed to be nappy-free during daytime when he was almost four which had us all a little bit worried because apparently there is pressure for kids who are about to embark on kindergarden to be propre. He was nearing the beginning of the school year before he finally kicked his nappies to the curb but not without un besoin pour les nuits. Anyway we had a wrenching and highly frustrating time back then. It was beyond my comprehension how he could urinate so much when he apparently had no liquid intake at night and had (or so I thought) emptied his bladder.

Now is no different : except the big difference being Baby Taz has a bad habit of drinking a minimum of one bottle of water before he can lull himself to sleep. He insists on drinking the water before he will succumb to some shut-eye. He has a tendency to urinate and thereby soaking and soiling the bedsheets, mattress protector and the mattress itself. Shrek as our designated household launderer is pained by such an endless amount of soiled and dirty laundry : bedsheets, mattress protector, blankets, sleeping bags and constant flow of clothes.

I feel his pain and I make it a point of taking Baby Taz to do a wee in the middle of the night and changing him two times and yet he still manages to wet the bed !!!

Frustration lingering and continuing.

I do hope that this saga will end before his fourth birthday. Baby Taz you can be so bothersome, exasperating and a vexing pest in so many ways but we still love you nonetheless, we just wished you'd grow up a bit more and become more responsible and less troublesome.

Dental hygiene

Kids being kids will prefer everything sugary and highly corrosive (especially with relation to their teeth enamel) and harmful for their dental form.

Our primordial concern is to maintain healthy teeth and gums and we have failed miserably as parents because the three who have had dental check-ups all have numerous tooth decays. It is inevitable to reduce their sugar intake and to increase drastically the number of brushing at regular intervals. Their level of awareness re dental hygiene is heightened due to the courses given by dental professionals such as dentists and dental nurses at school but unfortunately the translation from heightened awareness to putting that theory into action is lacking.

I drudgingly and painstakingly have to go through the rigmarole of ensuring each and every one of my kids get their teeth brushed properly at a sufficient length each day. I commence by telling and commanding that Petit Suisse brushes his own teeth first whilst Lil Miss N will also brush her teeth. I go on with the task of brushing Baby Taz and Lil Miss Feisty's teeth. I then turn to verify Petit Suisse's brushwork and finally I brush Lil Miss N's teeth. All of the teeth brushing is done not without struggle from the part of Lil Miss N and Lil Miss Feisty but the biggest teeth gnashing is without a doubt Baby Taz as he wriggles and worms his body about in order to prevent me from giving his teeth a good brushing.

The preceding task before bedtime is the dreaded routine of teeth brushing. Enfin bref I detest this particular part of the day when they prepare for bedtime and I have to scream at the top of my lungs in order to get the message across. I revel in the peace and calm when they all go to bed but moreover to sleep and reverie. I do indulge in and enjoy a glass or two of wine or liqueur as a reward for a fully exhausting day.

The trouble with weaning

I breastfed all my four children for the longest time, illustration

Petit Suisse was breastfed til his 13th month and I was obliged to wean him only following Doctors orders when I inadvertently fell pregnant with Lil Miss N. Apparently breastfeeding is definitely not a reliable method of contraception. Case in point, I am looking at you Shrek-for a self-proclaimed scientist his insistence that breastfeeding does in fact gives me immunity from being impregnated is way off base. Petit Suisse had a hard time for a week before he finally caved in and gave way but relapsing a little when Lil Miss N was born and I commenced breastfeeding her.

Lil Miss N was breastfed exclusively til the mûr age of 18 months. Up to the age of one and a half she refused to eat solid food and did not want to drink any other form of milk-by way of formula or cow, accepting only my breast milk as her singular source of nourishment which was by no means sufficient for her nutrient intake. She would have kept on going until I was forced to make a decision re her alimentation. I decided overnight that enough was enough and that she needed input other than breast milk. She was putting up a good fight and battled valiantly for almost two weeks before she realised that I meant business and that she was left with no choice but to accept cow's milk as a suitable and nutritious alternative.

Baby Taz was breastfed til the tender age of 10 months when weaning began by force of necessity arising from the discovery that I had fallen pregnant with Bb Ben. This is reminiscent of Petit Suisse's predicament and a question of history repeating itself. Once again breastfeeding as a form of contraception has been shot and without question I will have this advice for my children : do not ever rely on breastfeeding as contraception, it will predictably and invariably fail much to my chagrin.

Bb Ben's turn has come. She recently had a weigh in and measure up at the pediatrician. She is below average in height which is not surprising in the least but in order to ensure her calcium intake which is primordial at her age is not lacking I am in the process of slowly switching her regime. She will be given calcium in its concentrated form, proposed cow's milk at every opportunity and yoghurts which she does eat but cheese is another story. It is hardly a battle won...will be a long and drawn out battle.

She has now surpassed her older sister in terms of perseverance and single-mindedness. She is one determined little lady. She knows what she wants and she will get what she wants with steely determination, an admirable quality all the same.

Weekend to remember

The weather leaves much to desire. I have been blessed with a wonderful weekend of endless whining, crying, sulking and screaming...add to that fatigue and hours spent cooking up a storm. The weekend is almost over and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel,the blinding light which instils hope and gives me strength to fight yet another day.

What I was most proud of was my culinary achievements: I made xiu mai simmered in caramel sauce, pearl meatballs /which were the size of golf balls), spriracha and mustard chicken drumsticks, xoi ga`, Vietnamese grilled pork : thi.t nuong

I was satisfied with the results and ended up with at least 6 meals from all that cooking.

Baby Taz seems to be making inroads into his linguistics and honing his skills mainly by mimicry. He is a perfect example of a copycat. Today when Lil Miss N wanted to hold my hand, he proceeded to do the same and sweetly said : 'Mama, wanna hold your hand mama'

It is rather poignant and those little moments of intimacy and tenderness makes up for whole days of frustrations arising from out of control kids.

Eti 'HAD'

Etihad is an airline which will have to prove its worthiness to me. I feel that I have been 'had' and 'had' being the operative word. I may be naive in believing that their call staff (who hail mostly from Bombay India) know what they are being asked and respond correctly to questions/queries/enquiries without ambiguity misinformed and led me down the path of headiness. In short they led me astray and their way of dealing leaves much to be desired. Shrek will attest to it all being my fault for being pathetically naive. I have also been agressed by their idiotic call staff in Geneva.

I do hope that my impression of them so far is not an indication of things to come and their inflight service exceeds my expectation and restore my faith a little.

At the moment my opinion of them is not very high but I will leave them the benefit of doubt and reserve my negative opinions and feelings and formulate my complaint upon my having actually flown on their flights.

My exceptional 31st celebration

I have a great birthday celebration that cannot be rivalled.

On the eve of my 31st anniversary I ate something sticky and nasty as did Petit Suisse which resulted in stomach cramps for me and projectile vomiting for Petit Suisse. Petit Suisse is especially susceptible to food poisoning, stomach bugs and viral infections much like Shrek. If there is even a hint or trace of it Petit Suisse and or Shrek will surely catch it. The worst part is that Petit Suisse can be projectile vomiting for several days and be lessivé by the bug of the worst kind. It is quite spectacular and I dread his episodes of poisoning/stomach bugs.

Needless to say that my 31st birthday was spent quietly cleaning up vomit and taking care of two cases of food poisoning, one more violent than the other. Add to the mix a bored toddler namely Baby Taz with a tendency and penchance for wreaking havoc and chalking up mischief and naughty behaviour. He has successfully drawn on walls, chairs, bedding sheets, blankets, pillows and himself with a texta. He likes to play with his food and refuses to be spoonfed leaving a mess under his high chair. He also managed to spill and pour pepper all over the dinner table and floor.

I do not have much to do except to clean up after messes and Baby Taz is exceptionally good at creating jobs for me. I will never be jobless and I cannot call in sick ever or take a day of leave.

Poux rhymes with poo-poo

Les poux sont de nouveau parmi nous...


MDR !

Obviously our recurring collisions with headlice is due to Lil Miss N's classmate M who has extremely frizzy hair... She has a tendency to lean over and rub her head full of lice onto Lil Miss N and vice versa hence we have to deal with the encumbrance of constant itching and scratchy heads.

We opt for the method of suffocating the lice by inundating them with harmless parafin.
It has proven to be optimal until the next episode when back to school equals de nouveau poux.

I am at a loss as to what the best treatment is...to avoid the contagious poulleuse altogether aka advising Lil Miss N to evade her and to severe friendship with her. It sounds harsh but I don't know what other options or choices I have...

AVS still not assured

Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N together with Baby Taz and Benben received as is the custom on the first day of the Lunar New Year red pockets which contains loose change for luck.

They got several red pockets on the first of January 2010 and Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N proceeded to emphasise in no uncertain terms that it was their money and that Shrek and I were not to interfere with. I then promptly reminded Petit Suisse that it is not cheap to raise them as children into adolescence and eventually adulthood. They cost several houses the four of them to be fed, clothed, sheltered and educated as well as going on holidays etc and hobbies, educational/exchange trips to come. I told Petit Suisse that since they were being calculated lil buggers that I would also begin my calculations and that each time I buy food, clothes etc for them I would then count that and deduct it from any of the money they receive. Petit Suisse had a moment of revelation and decided that it was better to forgo 'loose change' in order to gain a lifetime (until they are independent) of financial support.

Moral of the story is that rivers and streams flow one way downstream only and the reverse is not applicable. Parents taking care of their offsprings is a given but sprouts taking care of their bamboos is a rare evenement to behold. Counting on kids for your AVS is becoming rather archaic.

Carrot boy

Baby Taz should be renamed as Carrot boy as carrots are the only vegetable he consumes with glee and abandon, especially when it is mushy. Baby Taz tends to prefer mush over chewy food.

BabTaz suffers from constipation because he refuses to eat veggies or fruits hence stunting his fibre intake and aggravating his condition.

He is on 'caca-watch' as we keep a close eye on his caca-tendencies in an attempt to alleviate the problem before it becomes chronic.

Important lesson for people prone to maniacal behaviour

A house is only a home if it is lived in and incidentally will have messes, dirt and dust.

A home is not a museum to be admired or an altar to be worshipped.

Incidentally if a home is lived in it will contain objects, junk and in general will be occupied, i.e. it will not have a whole lot of empty spaces, given that it is best if a home is not too cluttered but nevertheless it needs to be reiterated that I do not consider a house that is empty save for a few essentials a home. If the kitchen is always spotless one must wonder if it is ever used for cooking at all, if a living room is spotless then is it ever 'lived in', if a bed is perfectly made and it is covered with plastic to prevent dust from settling is it ever 'slept in'. If no dust ever settles then is it a home where people are living or is it dead space that is perfectly calm, perfectly devoid of all traces of life.

Life is not about having no clutter, spotlessness, cleanliness and emptiness. It is about spending quality time with others and interacting with your wife or spouse or companion and kids or by extension family and friends while one still can.A house that is orderly, tidy and neat without a single hair out of place is not a celebration of life but a celebration of stillness. Once we are gone it is already way too late. Time waits for no man. If we waste our time worrying about inessentials like how we can better improve our homes or surroundings but not our relationships with people around us then is all that fretting and worrying over trivial and trite things really worth it ???

If you insist on having a perfectly clean, spotless house then consider living in a museum. I challenge anyone who is game to try it. I am directing this at a certain somebody who shall remain unnamed. They know who they are...

Biological lesson

There are three factors that affect the degradability of food hence rendering it unfit for consumption.

These are temperature, time and humidity. It is said that at room temperature (it is aggravated in summer) natural humidity induced by the presence of moisture in food is an incubator for bacteria to develop.

At room temperature and with a normal ambient level of humidity (presence of water or other cooking liquid) the critical time is 12 hours. After said period has elapsed it is mandatory that one throw said food out.

I should have this lesson down pat by now but it seems that for some inexplicable reason (frugality perhaps) I still have not learnt my lesson.

It is a delicate subject matter.

Oh well as it is often said 'You are what you eat' I will proceed to improving this aspect.

I expect Shrek to improve certain aspects of his 'idiosyncracies' as well.

I want to pass on this important lesson to my children and hope that they will not have to endure the same predicament as me.

Time taken

Time to clear and tidy up toys sprawled on the ground, random objects strewn all over the floor and vacuuming plus mopping (intensive labour) : varies but can take up to one and a half hour.

Time for the whole process to be reversed aka Baby Taz wreaking havoc and thereby messing up the entire house : 5 minutes

Time for food preparations and cooking and putting together a meal and table setting : 1 hour (for simple dishes) and 2 hours or more (for complicated or elaborate dishes)

Time to gobble said food down : for a 'faim de loup ou on adore ce que tu as cuisinée maman' 5-10 minutes of wolfing, for a 'on n'a pas faim ou on detest le gôut de ça mais on doit comme même manger ' 45 minutes of slow motion force feeding.

Time for clearing the table and cleaning up pots and pans and loading the dishwasher and wiping the sink, induction (Ceran) stovetop and drying the pots, pans etc : depends on the number of pots and pans to be manually washed but up to an hour.

Time for loading cycles of washing machines, drying said cycles and then folding the clothes and distributing to its rightful owners : 1 hour approximately

Time for clothes to be soiled, stained and changed : can vary depending on wearer, on Benben probably 5 minutes, on Baby Taz 15 minutes or an hour if he plays in the dirt, does a big poo-poo, eats like a pig etc, Lil Miss N and Petit Suisse can also change at the slightest hint of stench or stain but generally half a day, Shrek and I tend to keep our clothes for the longest of time.

In short it takes much longer to construct or get things done than for it to be unravelled and reversed.

Swiss admin (in)efficiency

I have yet to encounter such a pathetic system of administration.

I called up the library today to renew some books and to reserve places for next Wednesday's children's spectacle.

The conversation went something along the lines of ...


Me : Hi, I would like to reserve places for next Wednesday's spectacle please.

Librarian : Sorry but I cannot help you, the library's lending services will be open from 3pm onwards.

(me wondering what the heck this so called librarian was doing when she could have easily fished out the reservations page and simply note and why the hell she answered the phone in the first place if she was not supposed to 'help' or 'offer any service' )

I soldiered on

Me : In that case can I at least renew books under my borrower's card please ?

Librarian : No you cannot do that either. You will have to call back at 3 pm or from 3-6pm, that is when we 'officially' open.

Me : So you cannot help me out with 'jack'* can you ?

Librarian : 'apologetically' I am afraid not.

I was again wondering what good a librarian was when she could not simply look up the reservations page and note my name or type my name and click a code for renewal of the books. She was there to answer the phone and to inform people that the library's lending services (and all related services) are only available during limited opening hours and even if you call and hear a voice on the other side outside of these opening hours you will get shit all.

Please refer to my previous post regarding pathetic opening hours.
I guess I can draw a conclusion Swiss are not library-goers or users hence there is no need for 'decent office/admin opening hours'.

One more reason as to why the Swiss admin system cannot advance or make improvements and they are representative of most systems here... I rest my case.

*Jack is slang for nothing at all.