Terriblement lentement

My calvaire takes the form of teaching Lil Miss N how to read. Whenever we begin our reading lessons she will invariably swing back and forth, her backbone structure will have caved in and she is spineless thus giving way to a wriggly worm with the attention span of a sparrow. Her concentration level is at an all time low!

I am persisting and hoping that she will have a declic. She is making progress however small,slow and drawn out it may seem.

Shrek has also had the pleasure of patienter avec une petite fille facilement distraite or moreover singe like to reflect/hint at her birth year and Chinese astrological sign. She was born in the year of the Monkey after all.

Persist and persist we must...patience is a virtue unto itself.

I hope it pans out nicely. I cannot estimate how long it will take befor Lil Miss N is able to read simple extracts and children's books littered with pictures and limited literature but I do hope our efforts pay off.

Update Petit Suisse is reading and writing like a pro, improving everyday so the painstaking lessons we shared have yielded magnificent results. I cannot stress how proud I feel that it is a victory and triumph in and of itself because the long road was permeated with difficult upheavals.

Controversy

I have recently come across a controversial article published by Wallstreet Journal entitled 'Why Chinese mothers are superior'. The article spoke of a subject very dear to my heart and discussed parenting which whether I want to or not is my number one preoccupation as it is difficult to escape the fact that I am now a mother of four.

The author Amy Chua proposes some questionable tactics and I do not condone or fully approve of her opinions but she does have many points which I concur with : namely that the lax parenting of Western parents lead their kids astray and that the bullshit about discipline ruining kids image of themselves and their self-esteem is merely illusionary. Kids who respect their parents are not neccessarily obedient robots with no individuality or independent thought to their credit, they simply are cultured enough to understand that without their parents they would not be where they are : parents leave lasting imprints onto kids and influence greatly their psyches.

I espouse the school of thought that my kids will be disciplined but not to the point of severe strict suffocation and over-protectiveness. Kids need to experience and experiment but they need clear, clean-cut guidelines without which they will lose themselves.

I believe in filial piety and duty. My mum sacrificed her whole life and more to the good of her children, she was a sort of tiger mum as prescribed by the above mentioned author and in some respects and aspects was a little misguided but I believe that ultimately she had her childrens best interest at heart even if she was over-protective and thus in being so ruined my brother's independence.

I want my children to respect their parents and moreover to forever feel that I support and love them but that they at the very least owe a filial obedience and duty because of all the sacrifices that were made by their parents and foreparents.

I want them to understand that if I push them to the limits it is because I care for their well-being and their future. They can disagree but they have a duty to honour me and their dad. I do think that if I ever say things like 'you are stupid' because in that particular instance I do think that but not overall just a momentary and instantaneous thing that that will not damage their self-esteem or self-worth. It is worse when Western parents who do not ever freely and openly discuss their dissapointment and yet the child feels that all the same: they feel more shame than if it was said and later forgiven and forgotten.

Self-esteem and self-image and worth are complex entities and concepts. I have never felt belittled by my mum eventhough I remember clearly being scolded, yelled at and 'in the eyes of a Westerner' abused mentally or otherwise. It is to me much worse to be told that one is great and yet deep down know that that greatness is just fabricated. The American way is to honour mediocrity, it works in American society because they emphasise so much on 'encouragements and positive criticism or lack thereof'.

I could write an essay on self-esteem and all the associated press but I leave that for another time.

I just want to state that I agree in part with Amy Chua in that if I ever get caught screaming at my kids and pushing them to study or to practise to be the best they can be without cowering down and giving up I am doing my kids a service and they in turn will not see that as child abuse.

I do sincerely hope my kids will get to read my memoirs in the form of this blog and realise that all along I wanted the best for them with their best interests at heart but that they better not put me in a nursing home. (my tongue firmly in my cheek)

They do owe me at the very least years of wiping my butt, spoon-feeding me and humouring me with their presence but most of all RESPECT.

The trouble with weaning

I breastfed all my four children for the longest time, illustration

Petit Suisse was breastfed til his 13th month and I was obliged to wean him only following Doctors orders when I inadvertently fell pregnant with Lil Miss N. Apparently breastfeeding is definitely not a reliable method of contraception. Case in point, I am looking at you Shrek-for a self-proclaimed scientist his insistence that breastfeeding does in fact gives me immunity from being impregnated is way off base. Petit Suisse had a hard time for a week before he finally caved in and gave way but relapsing a little when Lil Miss N was born and I commenced breastfeeding her.

Lil Miss N was breastfed exclusively til the mûr age of 18 months. Up to the age of one and a half she refused to eat solid food and did not want to drink any other form of milk-by way of formula or cow, accepting only my breast milk as her singular source of nourishment which was by no means sufficient for her nutrient intake. She would have kept on going until I was forced to make a decision re her alimentation. I decided overnight that enough was enough and that she needed input other than breast milk. She was putting up a good fight and battled valiantly for almost two weeks before she realised that I meant business and that she was left with no choice but to accept cow's milk as a suitable and nutritious alternative.

Baby Taz was breastfed til the tender age of 10 months when weaning began by force of necessity arising from the discovery that I had fallen pregnant with Bb Ben. This is reminiscent of Petit Suisse's predicament and a question of history repeating itself. Once again breastfeeding as a form of contraception has been shot and without question I will have this advice for my children : do not ever rely on breastfeeding as contraception, it will predictably and invariably fail much to my chagrin.

Bb Ben's turn has come. She recently had a weigh in and measure up at the pediatrician. She is below average in height which is not surprising in the least but in order to ensure her calcium intake which is primordial at her age is not lacking I am in the process of slowly switching her regime. She will be given calcium in its concentrated form, proposed cow's milk at every opportunity and yoghurts which she does eat but cheese is another story. It is hardly a battle won...will be a long and drawn out battle.

She has now surpassed her older sister in terms of perseverance and single-mindedness. She is one determined little lady. She knows what she wants and she will get what she wants with steely determination, an admirable quality all the same.

Between progress and regress

Baby Ben is in the process of potty training. It is coming along nice and slowly. She is still a little bit young but I am giving her a headstart. She has done both pipi and caca in the potty. She is actually quite cute when prompted or posed with the question ' Would you like to pipi or caca (when I see her obvious attempt at pushing out a daisy) in the potty ?' to which her unanimous response is a rapid nodding of the head. She is indescribably cute but has super strong lungs hence can definitely be heard when she shows her disapproval or discontent.

In the meantime Baby Taz has regressed and prefers pipi in the nappy rather than sit on the toilet seat. He needs prompting even more so than Baby Ben and that's saying a lot since he has been almost trained for a year now...

Baby Taz's tendency to shriek and scream and throw tantrums and fits til he gets what he wants is fraying my nerves to say the least. My nerves of steel are being tested more than ever when it comes to his temper tantrums, hissy fits and general bad manner in all manners of speaking coupled with Petit Suisse's sulkiness and Lil Miss N's crybaby attitude and penchance for crying at the drop of a fly I have very long exhausting days. I would trade those days with dealing with colleagues anyday. At least the buck stops when one leaves the office, no such luck when you live with the little rascals.

I yo-yo between contempt for my kids (in the nicest way of course) and pure unconditional love for them. I wait with impatience for the day the four of them can at least feed, clean and clothe themselves so that my load and charge will lighten just a little.

The psychological wars and battles have been waged but they will deepen with age.

Bring it on!

AVS still not assured

Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N together with Baby Taz and Benben received as is the custom on the first day of the Lunar New Year red pockets which contains loose change for luck.

They got several red pockets on the first of January 2010 and Petit Suisse and Lil Miss N proceeded to emphasise in no uncertain terms that it was their money and that Shrek and I were not to interfere with. I then promptly reminded Petit Suisse that it is not cheap to raise them as children into adolescence and eventually adulthood. They cost several houses the four of them to be fed, clothed, sheltered and educated as well as going on holidays etc and hobbies, educational/exchange trips to come. I told Petit Suisse that since they were being calculated lil buggers that I would also begin my calculations and that each time I buy food, clothes etc for them I would then count that and deduct it from any of the money they receive. Petit Suisse had a moment of revelation and decided that it was better to forgo 'loose change' in order to gain a lifetime (until they are independent) of financial support.

Moral of the story is that rivers and streams flow one way downstream only and the reverse is not applicable. Parents taking care of their offsprings is a given but sprouts taking care of their bamboos is a rare evenement to behold. Counting on kids for your AVS is becoming rather archaic.

Re-organisation

What this New Year holds...

We have a few resolutions

My number one resolution is not to get bogged down by resolutions and lists thus I am having only one resolution that is I will go with the flow, stress less and take things one step at a time.

ORGANISATION is the key !