Meet the Sperminator

Move over Terminator you have a conqueror Shrek The Sperminator!!!

I think Shrek thoroughly deserves this title due to his unprecedented and unrivaled virility thus resulting in prodigious reproduction thereby upping the Swiss population a notch child by child.

Loose tooth

The mouse came to shake loose one of Petit Suisse's canine tooth on his lower gum. He was visibly shaken, shocked and took to bawling his eyes out because he believed that the cause for this incredulous accident was the corn cob that he was chomping on just prior to having the 'tooth about to fall out' sensation. Shrek and I calmly explained to him that it was normally normal for his milk tooth to shake loose to make way for new permanent tooth and that the mouse would come and give him money under his pillow in exchange for said tooth. After much reassurance and insistence that there was nothing to cry about the fear subsided and the whole fiasco was fast a distant memory.

Next talk will be puberty or pre-teen angst...

Random things to do on a rainy day with kids.

Randomness


Give them a bath and lots of used plastic bottles or other plastic bits and pieces to entertain them in the water. Guaranteed effect of keeping them amused for at least an hour.

Taking out the garbage

Shrek has been dutifully taking out the garbage and replacing/lining the bin with garbage bags. Bravo!!!

Now if he could improve his cuisine skills and also start nettoyer la maison by first learning to pick up after himself Princess Fiona will be a very happy maîtresse indeed.

Come on Shrekkie, you know you can do it.

Stuff Asians like

In correlation to the 'Stuff white people like' I have a new category for my blog called unoriginally enough 'Stuff Asian people like'. It's not an original idea but the Asians are renowned for bootlegging and pirating copyright much to the chagrins of big record companies. I can say I am an Asian.

To start off Asians love status associated with a tertiary or post-graduate education or best of all a PhD. That is not to distinguish them from other races but they love showing off their status (by extension) with a vengeance. They will discuss any trophies they might have and the level of education their children have achieved through sacrifices and pure perseverance. They would give up on life's little luxuries save the necessities just so their children can have a shot at attending the best universities and do the family proud.

To empathise with an Asian one would require to appear educated. Asians place very high importance to education. One could say I have an MBA at the University of life. If they ask where is that one would be able to quip You know LIFE, try it.

Chocolate

Some would argue that chocolate is better than sex. You can consume as much as you like at your waistline's peril without raising the ire of anyone. Consuming chocolate ensures your anonymity and will have an effect similar to that of an orgasm without requiring you any efforts at all, if you know what I mean. Chocolate will still be here as long as you want it. It will not complicate your life in any way, shape or form. It does not argue or talk back or keep you hanging on empty promises.

It doesn't need to be wined or dined or even loved. Best of all it will not betray or cheat on you or let you down the way a lover, partner or friend can. Chocolate can be consumed in all of its glory and has millions upon millions of fans.

Chocolate, you always make my day.

Random lessons I have learnt

I will pass this lesson onto my kids.

Never ever buy rice creole. It is a punishment from GOD and this is one very important lesson that they will thank me for. Even if people offer it as a present do not be silly enough to acccept for you will be at a lost as to what the hell to do with it to make it taste good. Rice creole tasting good is not an option.

As for me my lesson has been learnt.

Consolation

I was in the middle of changing my little Baby A when little Miss N popped in to check in on what I was up to. She marvelled at the wonderment that is associated with removing the soiled nappy, wiping and putting on a new nappy, followed by dressing clothes. She is easily amused.

The conversation veered towards how babies are unable to feed or go to the loo by themselves thus me being the responsible parent must do all that for Baby A.

Little Miss N then reassured me that when I am old and have transformed into a baby mummy she will feed helpless little baby me and wipe my behind after I have poo-poo or wee-wee. Petit Suisse will be responsible for Shrek.

This is utmost reassuring as I know that in 40 years time if I have evaded Alzheimers and miraculously still have my mind intact without suffering from mild senility that I will be able to go back to my blog and point out to her that she indeed told me on this day that I will not have to suffer the fate of the aged senior of being put in an EMS (nursing home) to await my final day but will instead be able to count on her for caring for me the way I cared for Petit Suisse, her and Baby A, more specifically feeding and changing me just like one would a babe.

I suspect then that I will not be the one with senility but it might be another certain Miss N who will suffer from selective memory. She will no longer be little and will retort with

'Mum, I do not remember having this conversation with you whatsoever. You are imagining things and suffering from Alzheimers, senility or whatever else the oldies suffer from.'

Miss N, I have on record that you told me so and will hold you to your 'words' eventhough you were only three when you made the promise. You might come to regret telling me in that nonchalant manner that you would care for an elderly. Ignorance is not an excuse.

where do babies come from

In one of my tender moments with little Miss N(N for naughty) my adorable yet pigheaded daughter I was confronted with the sticky question "Where do babies come from?". I uhmmmmm and ahhhh and told her to ask her dad. I will now have to have a discussion with Shrek about this sticky subject, I think the Bee movie might come in handy.

To be continued...

Time away

I am in desperate need of a holiday and time to myself. I fear I will explode with rage and anger and frustration because I just cannot take any more of the dumbing down of my intellect and endlessly exasperating myself anymore.