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The crafts project that Petit Suisse and Petite Suissesse created.
I am very proud of them like any mum. When one has been transformed from a heels wearing, chic young career woman into a slightly less chic mummy with a pusher and two toddlers whom she has to drag around like ragdolls (I am kidding about the ragdoll part) she has to look on the bright side of everything and be grateful for small mercies or else she will quickly turn into a glass figurine who will threaten to break at the slightest hint of provocation and touche.

Insomnia legère

Caffeine and I do not see eye to eye. My cogent renunciation of any future caffeine consumption after 6pm is in place because sleep is not possible for me if I so much as drink a sip of this insidious and evil substance in any shape or form.

Another reason why I am alert and can get up and go in the morning without resorting to any intake of coffee. Shrek on the other hand is not a morning person and barely bearable after several shots of coffee.

Birthday parties

I am seriously reconsidering a change in career after my euphoric and resounding success as a kids birthday party organiser. It was Petit Suisse aka Donkey's fifth birthday yesterday and the party-goers all 20 of them all had a blast at the expense of trashing a hall and wreaking havoc. They had so much energy that if channelled correctly could incidentally compete with the world's loudest noise*. (see explanation below)

I survived with my ears still ringing... long after post-party exhilaration had worn off.

Kids in kindergarten have to preferably have their attention captured in the first five minutes otherwise they lose interest and become restless. They have the attention span of about 15 minutes maximum and it is of the utmost important to lure them with lots of sweets, lollies, potato chips, more lollies and chocolates and intermittenly interjected with well thought-out games. Improvisation is the key.


Just a little side note teachers can fail you in kindrgarten for failing to concentrate or obey or not being able to write their own name at the end of Kindy. Who could've thought they would be so serious about early learning and moulding here in Switzerland??? If kids within the almost 4 to 6 1/2 age bracket are not lulling sheeps who can be shepherded or subjugated then chances are they might be up for REPEATING, let me repeat that REPEATING kindy and preschool until they get it right!!!

I propose a new nickname for the Swiss : moutons de montagne, that suits them.

I was on my feet and on the go for three manic hours not to mention all the hours that went into preparations and decorating etc... before that. I was thoroughly spent but I enjoyed the challenge. To organise parties for adults is a walk in the park by comparison.

I totally could and would organise kids parties again. Although I would prefer if someone else cleaned up the mess... hint hint tsk tsk Shrekkie to the broomstick.



* The 1883 eruption in Krakatoa (a volcanic island in the Sunda Strait between Java and Sumatra in Indonesia) generated the loudest sound historically reported: the cataclysmic explosion was distinctly heard as far away as Perth in Australia (approximately or 3100 km), and the island of Rodrigues near Mauritius (approx. 4800 km).
On no other occasion have sounds been perceived at such great distances (over 1/13th of the earth's surface).

Kitchen

Shrek's philosophy in the kitchen involves throwing everything in the pot: proteins aka meat, fish etc, veggies, herbs and spices in one go, heat to boiling point then simmer and hope for the best. No need for taste-testing or superfluous and tedious attention to details. His philosophy is a winning adage to overcooked food and bland disasters.

A night in Paris

My hubby just said He'd like to have 'A night in Paris' (not the city). I seriously think that he's wantin to stir me up...
hmmmmmmmm

I deliberately named this blog 'celebrity blog NOT' because I did not want to fall into the trappings of dissing or discussing or mentioning any celebrities to feel superior about myself but thanks to my hubby I have committed the unthinkable and mentioned 'Paris' although I prefer to refer to Paris the city exclusively amen.

Why have children ?

It is Shrek's belief that children are our future EMS or nursing home visitors: if we do not have children we cannot expect visitors to our senile senior citizens abodes. That is the utmost reason for having kids.

Update

It has been uneventful of late and instead of boring you with details of mundane daily gripes I have decided to not update for a while. Couple that with a baby who does not enjoy being put in his crib for more than 15 minutes by himself. I only wish I was exaggerating. I kid you not...

Reluctant mother eschewing Feminism

I do not mean to be a first class whine but am afraid that I more often than not can be found venting my frustrations and simultaneously complaining about my predicaments.

I feel like raising three kids and being a conventional housewife (not to be confused with a convectional oven but oh the similes are endless) has led to me reverting the feminist movement by thousands of years. I am reinstating Patriarchal hierarchies.

The roles and sole responsibilities of a woman as primary carer to children and housemaid are executed brilliantly by me. It is remarkable that I am condemned to the confines of domesticity forever.

Before motherhood I never needed the aid of lists or memory jogs but since becoming a mum I have resorted relentlessly to lists thereby honing my secretarial skills. Now I can proudly claim that I am an efficient and organised lister. I should be eligible for auditors positions at the Hotel des finances equivalent of which is the ATO in Australia.

The most virtuous trait I learned from reluctantly taking on the role of mummy is patience. Oodles of it. One cannot lose ones balls for the sake of ones sanity when dealing with adept and highly sneaky little negotiators. In short I learned important lessons in conflict resolutions skills that should enhance my job profile should I decide to apply for positions in human resources.

I am a multi-tasker and task-juggler and am able to cook, clean one-armed or one-handed even and that is no easy feat.

Alas all the skills above mentioned will not get me far at any job interview.



Screw the feminist movement. I think the utmost importance lies in 'liberated' and 'choices'. What good is the feminist movement if all a woman can feel is guilt, culpability and left with no choice but to work and penetrate mens domains ? All the power to women who break the glass ceilings but I feel at the end of the day women who choose with liberty to do whatever they want to with their lives and not necessarily do what society expects of them are the real deal feminists. It frustrates me that people assume that because I am a stay at home mum for the moment I have limited capacity and all the stereotypical bullshit that go with that. I do not mean to boast but I hate having to justify myself and my choices. I am a law graduate and not a simple minded girl who got married, have kids and will forever be implicated as nothing more than a domesticated maid, no disrespect to those who are but I am not that. I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR!!!

Enough ranting and raving for now... I am starting to sound like a dry, old and bitter shrew.

I am a reluctant mum and my childrens' antics frustrate me to no end...but despite all the opportunites lost, setbacks, what if ponderments and what not I go to bed more satisfied than if I was childless. I have my children to be thankful for.

Explosion

To ensure a wretched explosion put a bottle of bubbly in the freezer and forget about it and voilà, instant explosion in your home that causes neither harm to your house or household except you'll find glass fragments all over your bloody freezer. Just ask Shrek for more detailed instructions as he has become the newset and most sensational expert. Swell

Hot news

There has been a lack of posts with 'hot content' lately.

Here is a little tidbit.

The 'macaques' pay for services with sexual favours that include: lice combing...
Sexual services can be reciprocated with non-sexual payments even in the natural animal kingdom which doesn't surprise me in the least bit.

In other hot news a Malaysian minister has been forced to early retirement. Videos of him and his 'young' mistress caught in the act of corpulating or mating or fornicating circulated the internet and fotos appeared on front pages of the paper press. Why is it that the politicos are held to be exemplaires of humans who cannot cheat or have a bit of fun on the side? circa Clinton and his exploits...