Little rays of sunshine

I might appear to râle every other day re my kids out of control behaviour or their un-disciplined tendencies but I love each and every one of them and they are my little rays of sunshine.

They do exhibit expressions of affection to remind me that it's worthwhile : the sometime ungratifying and unbearing of housework and child-rearing, devaluation of home staying and merde if I was to work in a daycare looking after other peoples kids and yet send my own kids to another daycare it'd be looked upon as if I was a juggling working mum hence regarded with more value and looked up to more only because I held a job peu importe si le boulot est bien payé ou mentally challenging or gratifying.

I feel devalorised by society at large and can only console myself in the small consolation/comfort : that of knowing my kids are well looked after and taken care of.

Little rays of sunshine because at the end of the day no matter how important a position is or how high ranking ones' career may be one will only leave imprints with ones legacy be it scientific discovery or ground breaking policy or children who reflect their upbringing and education and do their parents proud by perpetuating and upholding devisal and trust.

Controversy

I have recently come across a controversial article published by Wallstreet Journal entitled 'Why Chinese mothers are superior'. The article spoke of a subject very dear to my heart and discussed parenting which whether I want to or not is my number one preoccupation as it is difficult to escape the fact that I am now a mother of four.

The author Amy Chua proposes some questionable tactics and I do not condone or fully approve of her opinions but she does have many points which I concur with : namely that the lax parenting of Western parents lead their kids astray and that the bullshit about discipline ruining kids image of themselves and their self-esteem is merely illusionary. Kids who respect their parents are not neccessarily obedient robots with no individuality or independent thought to their credit, they simply are cultured enough to understand that without their parents they would not be where they are : parents leave lasting imprints onto kids and influence greatly their psyches.

I espouse the school of thought that my kids will be disciplined but not to the point of severe strict suffocation and over-protectiveness. Kids need to experience and experiment but they need clear, clean-cut guidelines without which they will lose themselves.

I believe in filial piety and duty. My mum sacrificed her whole life and more to the good of her children, she was a sort of tiger mum as prescribed by the above mentioned author and in some respects and aspects was a little misguided but I believe that ultimately she had her childrens best interest at heart even if she was over-protective and thus in being so ruined my brother's independence.

I want my children to respect their parents and moreover to forever feel that I support and love them but that they at the very least owe a filial obedience and duty because of all the sacrifices that were made by their parents and foreparents.

I want them to understand that if I push them to the limits it is because I care for their well-being and their future. They can disagree but they have a duty to honour me and their dad. I do think that if I ever say things like 'you are stupid' because in that particular instance I do think that but not overall just a momentary and instantaneous thing that that will not damage their self-esteem or self-worth. It is worse when Western parents who do not ever freely and openly discuss their dissapointment and yet the child feels that all the same: they feel more shame than if it was said and later forgiven and forgotten.

Self-esteem and self-image and worth are complex entities and concepts. I have never felt belittled by my mum eventhough I remember clearly being scolded, yelled at and 'in the eyes of a Westerner' abused mentally or otherwise. It is to me much worse to be told that one is great and yet deep down know that that greatness is just fabricated. The American way is to honour mediocrity, it works in American society because they emphasise so much on 'encouragements and positive criticism or lack thereof'.

I could write an essay on self-esteem and all the associated press but I leave that for another time.

I just want to state that I agree in part with Amy Chua in that if I ever get caught screaming at my kids and pushing them to study or to practise to be the best they can be without cowering down and giving up I am doing my kids a service and they in turn will not see that as child abuse.

I do sincerely hope my kids will get to read my memoirs in the form of this blog and realise that all along I wanted the best for them with their best interests at heart but that they better not put me in a nursing home. (my tongue firmly in my cheek)

They do owe me at the very least years of wiping my butt, spoon-feeding me and humouring me with their presence but most of all RESPECT.

Parenting

Parenting est un sujet sensible qui fâche les gens... parenting involves choices and directions that can differ in a spectrum/runs the gamut of permissibility (laisser faire) and strictly disciplined (old school).



In short just as all of us are individuals parenting and our methods of educating/disciplining our kids can vary wildly.

I do not however espouse and advise people unless they solicit it which I think is out of respect for parents be they new or experienced. We all can make our own mistakes and learn from them but we do not have to bear the cross of being subject to scrutiny and constantly dodging unwelcomed advice.


My kids cannot stay still and sit at a dinner table for three hours straight but I am not discouraged or bothered by that.

My kids can be a rambunctious and uncontrollable bunch which usually leads to me being lectured by other busybodies that I am an unfit mum who cannot control her kids etc...
I doth protesteth because they themselves are not model parents with model kids either.

I strongly believe that kids need boundaries and discipline on the one hand but they also yearn and should be able to stay kids for as long as they can, in other words they need to not be thrust upon adulthood, independence and responsibilities as soon as they are born. I allow my kids to play and act like kids and do not feel compelled to force them to be obedient dogs who sit upon command. They are not robots but human beings who need time and space and possibility to develop normally.

There are parents who surely disagree with me, to that I say 'each to their own'. Those in the camp of absolute discipline abhor kids who become a bit wayward and loud but that to me is not so important. To me I want to raise balanced and equilibrated individuals who know the values of the most important principles but are able to be independent contributors to society and yet stay unique individuals.

Parenting is definitely a learning curve and my kids never cease to amaze me either by their naivety, maturity or their simplicity and just their beings.

Priceless

15 minutes getting dressed
10 minutes to arrive at destination
10 minutes of explanation by the daycare workers
10 minutes of peaceful playtime with Bb Ben


10 Swiss Francs spent on a first trial of leaving Bb Ben at the nursery by herself
5 minutes of intense ear-piercing wails from a non co-operative baby
Priceless is the realisation that said baby still needs and wants her mummy and is not in the least ready to be babysat by complete strangers as yet. I am needed and moreoever wanted and clung to and that sends me a warm and fuzzy feeling.

Though I still would like to claim my money back as 10 Francs for a trial period of 5 minutes is extortion !

Baby Ben still exclusively wants her mum to be her chief caretaker and nurturer for now.
Oh joy !

Message for my kids !

People who have more money than you are not necessarily smarter or richer (in the all encompassing sense of the word) or better in any way. They simply have more money and as a result may possess more material stuff than you.

It is not material things that will make anyone happy. We all need basic necessities and we need to also feel loved. One needs to have grounding and to feel grounded and balance. We all strive for success and material things but that will not necessarily fulfil us nor should it define who we are. One needs to keep in mind and be mindful of what the most important priorities in life are.

To love and be loved alone cannot feed our mouths, it only feeds our souls. We need material things in order to fulfil our physical beings but to overwhelm our beings with material gain and consumerism and to always seek to attain bigger, moreish and to keep up with the Joneses will render us ultimately unhappy.

To cite a case of the hapless poor little rich girl: a heiress of J&J dynasty died alone, friendless and with only rats as her companions. She died a lonely, wasteful and pointless death because she was crying out for attention and all the money and associated fame that was bestowed on her brought her downfall because she did not need to work for a living, did not need to earn her keep hence was infutilely partying her way and drugging herself to death. This is a reductionist theory and perhaps an oversimplified version. Life is much more complex and complicated than that but I simplify so that one can draw conclusions and life lessons from her example.

Work is sometime underestimated. One needs to feel useful by contributing in some way and to nurture and nourish our propensity to yearn and reach for a higher place but lest we forget where we came from and what makes us whole.


The moral of the story and the ultimate lesson I want to pass on to all of my four children is that having honourable work ethics is important. We need to contribute and participate positively and to feel that we are indeed useful and relevant and self-sufficient and having everything handed to you on a platter will only spoil you from the core. Having all the money and material objects in the world should not be one's lifelong goal. One should strive for a balance of having access to money and living comfortably (noone can define exactly what this level of comfortableness should be) and it differs for different people and yet maintaining our personal relationships with others around us and most of all preserve our self-knowledge and to always be proud of where we came from and what makes us whole.

Mummy and daddy love you all always and we hope that you our children will grow up to be self-sufficient, proud, positive contributors to society and happy adults who will in turn raise more full and well rounded individuals (perchance the case may be).

Poux rhymes with poo-poo

Les poux sont de nouveau parmi nous...


MDR !

Obviously our recurring collisions with headlice is due to Lil Miss N's classmate M who has extremely frizzy hair... She has a tendency to lean over and rub her head full of lice onto Lil Miss N and vice versa hence we have to deal with the encumbrance of constant itching and scratchy heads.

We opt for the method of suffocating the lice by inundating them with harmless parafin.
It has proven to be optimal until the next episode when back to school equals de nouveau poux.

I am at a loss as to what the best treatment is...to avoid the contagious poulleuse altogether aka advising Lil Miss N to evade her and to severe friendship with her. It sounds harsh but I don't know what other options or choices I have...

Favourite pastime

Shrek's absolute favourite pastime is sleeping. He can sleep for hours on ends and if it was not for his obligations that he must fulfil such as work he would sleep for the majority of his days punctuated only by his more primal needs of eating, drinking and filling his tummy in general, emptying his bowels and 'otherly pleasures'.

Shrek's second pastime (tie with eating) and favourite bonding activity with the kids is vegetating in front of the television. If Shrek had his way and did not have to answer to my insistences that they need more than just 'entertainment' and lobotomy he would allow them to sit and be couch potatoes all day long.