Regret

I sorely regret having gotten married too young and letting somebody else dictate the making of the decision to having kid after kid after kid after kid soon after.

I believe that frank and honest communication is important in all relationships be it in marriage or de facto partnership or parent-child type relations. I will not hesitate to say that a lot of children born are a result of an accident and/or lack of contraception thus unplanned pregnancies.

Perhaps I will ultimately serve as a reminder or example/role model of what not to follow for my own kids. I will say that I did not plan on having four kids before I turned thirty. Kids need to feel wanted and loved but not lied to about how they were conceived.

I have witnessed many big families: safe to say that three or more children nowadays qualifies as large families displaying more discord than harmony. There is no reason why a closely-knit family of two children will have less joy than that of a family with four bickering kids on semi-to no-speaking terms or displaying alarmingly and unbecomingly incompatible and irreconcileable differences. I have seen some strong bonds between two siblings and lots of discord and dispute between siblings from a larger family. Although subconsciously I think people do try to replicate their own family from childhood memories which are often seen through rose coloured glasses and not a real reflection of the reality now. The model they have seen sets a precedence and they will attempt to reproduce this chemin just like Shrek has done. I could care less and frankly it would have sufficed for me to have two children:well raised and taken care of than to have a small army of kids who have to have attention divided etc. Granted children from big families learn some important lessons in life like the need to share and the older children will in time be asked to help out with household chores and other tasks because their mother is just overworked: thus life and basic survival skills. This does not necessarily as I have seen translate to the last child because sometime the smallest becomes a self-centric and egoistic spoiled brat- funnily enough is usually the case of a unique child syndrome. In short it is somewhat dependent on how the children are raised and their character and not being given preference/favouritism because they are the smallest or mummy/daddy's favourite.


Quite often I feel like the thankless tasks that I fulfill everyday are just taken for granted. I realise that my children are too young to understand whatever feeling I emote let alone comprehend how to alleviate my anxiety or pain. I do feel however often misunderstood. I try to commiserate with the workload and stress that a working person (namely the father in this household) feels and that lack of sleep etc... leads to less than agreeable manners. I myself have my no less stressful and frustrating days at home. I do feel however that by being plunged unwillingly into an unplanned and much too soon pregnancy that I was in no way ready for somebody forgot that it wrought much apprehensiveness,anguish and tenseness into our already troubled communication.

I will opt for the solution perhaps the less communication there is the calmer the ménage. Maybe if we do not come to an agreeable and open sort of connection or exchange then it is better to converse less lest there be more tranquility in the house.

There is some angst-ridden fury all the more enraged by a hormonally charged pregnant woman up in arms about how unfair it is.

I do try my best to be understanding and sometime maybe even most of the time fail but whenever the screaming match begins and the row/quarrel intensifies with livid exchanges I realise that nothing has changed and that I have a case of hopelessly misplaced confidence in someone I thought was my partner.

Drawing me to a conclusion that I should distance myself and measure my words and actions much more carefully before it is too late.